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| Subject: Please help... |
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Hi there,
i have a very strange and sad situation here so let me start from the beginning:
I cllaimed refugee status in Canada 1.5 years ago when i came. Since than my case is still in process. Meanwhile, I met a girl here in Canada 1 year ago (now my wife) and we are married now for almost 5 months. When we got married she apllied to sponsor me as a spouse so i(we) have now both applications pending at the moment. My lawyer advised me recently that my application is close to finalizing and that i should be prepared for a trip to the embassy to obtain my visa.
I loved this woman since the day i met her. She was my everything and i would do everything for her. She and our son (my stepson) had everything they wanted, never had a reason to complain, i was buying her everything (a car),i was paying for plastic surgeries because she wanted it so bad and because i loved her, i did it. Everything was perfect. Untill recently.
I have noticed changes in her moodes, doesnt wanna spend time with me anymore making lame excuses, not kissing me so often like before, buying new sexy clothes which i didnt know about, picking up on me for no reason...etc etc. In general, she is very distant to me. Because of my suspicion i had to check her out and as i was guessing, she is cheating on me. It came as a huge shock for me and i was very dissapointed and depressed. I dont know what to do and what is the reason for it. I didnt want to make scenes because i love her and maybe there is still hope for us. So right now, i am swallowing my pride everday and pretending that everything is normal and that i am happy, when the truth is i am bleeding inside.
Reason for telling this story is because on top of all that she started threataning that she will withdraw this sponsorship because "I am not treating her good" (which off course is apsolutely not true). This was very dissapointing for me because i love her and i did not expect this from her. Needless to say that i dont have a country to go back to.
I would like to add that when i met my wife, she was very financially unstable and was on social assisstance. I always had and still have very good income on account of working my ass off 10-12 hours/day and like i mentioned before, i am supporting her and our son all this time (paying high rent, daycare every month...etc) because she just started working and has a low income.
So i am thinking now, and i hope that i am deadly wrong, when i connect all the dots that she did marry me for her own benefit and she planned this all along. Could I be so naive? I know it might sound stupid BUT TRUST ME, THERE IS NO REASON FOR HER TO ACT THIS WAY! Except maybe spousal support? Just trying to save up some money while marrying some "stupid" immigrant?
Remember, she was on welfare when I met her and wasn´t employed up until 2 months ago.
I guess my main question is that if she didnt love me from the start, why didnt she tell me before, why didnt she ask for a divorce before, why now after 5 months when things "should" get better in our marriage (meaning that i planned to buy a house for us once i became a PR)
My lawyer tells me that there is nothing i can do about it, that if she wants to cancell the sponsorship she doesnt have to have a justified reason. Is this true? How is this possible? Is there something i can do about it, because this is just not fair.
If somebody had a similar experience, please be so kind and advise.
Gimondo
[10-08-2006,13:22]
[**.30.31.109]
Gimondo |
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(in reply to: Please help...)
Hey Gimondo,
Sorry to hear your story, but marriage is not a game, seems you hurried a lot in this love business, (who knows may be you thought marriage will help you stay in canada faster ??)
We are not in a situation to discuss why you married, why you hurried that much to marry her, or why you have paid a lot of money on her, seems you have not had enough time to get to know her,... That was your private business, your wish and your intention, ..If before marriage you had told us that you wanted to marry a lady just after meeting her I would have said, hey SLOW DOWN ...but it is too late now so YOU have to pay back for the mistakes you have made with her ...
Man if somebody doesnt want to sponsor someone else, that is her legal right, she is free to do anything, and there is nothing you can do about it ...
At least you can sit down, talk to her in a nice way to save your marriage, if she still doesnt want to live with you, again be nice to her, be honest and say that at that point her wish not to sponsor you may seriously destroy your life in canada, .... I am sure she will understand,.... if she is a good human being, if you have really helped her a lot, and if you have always treated her nicely during your marriage, she will help you...
Spending thousands of bucks on her operation or your marriage means nothing, I know many rich men who have bought the best car to their wives, spent thousands of dollars for them , but at the same men cheated their wives on several occasions and treated them badly at home, ... So, though money helps a lot to be happy it does not mean it is everything ...
Better sit down with her and talk to her... There is no way justifying us that you did everything for her - that is your privacy, and noone has the right to comment on private matters here....There is only one person to help you and that is your wife and if nothing works with her then your lawyer... Talk to him and try to find a solution together with your lawyer..
Good luck
[10-08-2006,15:51]
[**.102.57.58]
Reality bites |
(in reply to: Please help...)
mhm! just when i started thinking Reality bites is a jerk...
now that´s not a compliment, you still sometimes are!
Well to the matter at hand. I think Reality bites gave a wise advice. very pratical.
I have a friend who had to leave Canada "voluntarily" (ha,ha) because of his wife. He married her and after awhile they were fighting over everything and she withdrew her sponsorship!
The worst thing is she has not given him a divorce yet. (after 2 yrs).
[11-08-2006,10:11]
[***.239.199.126]
Jolli |
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