need urgent help!

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visaplace.com            
Subject: need urgent help!
  hey all

i want to know from the girls who are sponsoring their spouse, do you (did you) pay the application fees or your spouse.

i am working at the moment but i have so many other payments to make and my husband who is in pakistan works 2 jobs. I am not sure if he earns well or not (he says he does but at the same time he says he doesnt have enough) I want him to pay the application fees but i dont know how to approach him. I did talk to him lightly on this subject and he told me to ask from my parents which turned me off. I told him there is not way i can ask my parents for money as they have already spent more than enough on my wedding/travelling. Beside in our families after marriage its husband´s responcibilities not parents´.

I dont know what to do. I can save up some money but than he is not putting any effort in it.
please help me....i dont know how to explain it to him that its his responcibility not mine.


[06-11-2008,14:11]
[***.181.70.250]
HijabiGal
(in reply to: need urgent help!)


i paid for my spouse´s fee...

i guess your case belongs to your PERSONAL stuffs. and i guess this is just a part of a million of your worries being married with him.

no one could help you convince your spouse to help you save yourself.

my opinion:
if he is not putting effort in it...apply on your own then. without sponsoring him. first stage is already a headache o you...there´s much more ahead...

either u decide dropping him off, or bear with all these pains...




[06-11-2008,14:18]
[**.250.84.37]
Anonymous
(in reply to: need urgent help!)
If he really wants to come over and be a Pr then he should pay the fees.
or at least help..its HIS PR application so why wouldnt he help

[09-11-2008,16:44]
[**.249.90.85]
Denise
(in reply to: need urgent help!)
thx guys....

i talked to him and he suggested me to ask my parents for money..... which simply pizzed me off

WHY SHOULD I ASK MY PARENTS?
i told him there is no way i can ask my parents for money..
he was like u can borrow it and i´ll pay it off when i get there (canada)

after telling him clearly i cant do this he said he´ll ask his dad...but its gona take some day...

papers r ready to b mailed out but now i have to wait for money....dont know for sure if he´ll send it or not...

i am confused :(

[10-11-2008,17:30]
[***.81.102.144]
HijabiGal
(in reply to: need urgent help!)
from one girl to another... don´t be confused - be angry.

how well do you know this man? If it was a love marriage I would expect him to move heaven and earth to help you get the funds together so you can file the application. Yes, he may earn less than you - so tell him he can pay 50% and you will pay the rest or some such arrangement.

to be honest, if he is sitting back waiting for you to make this all happen I would start to ask what will happen when he gets here. What will happen when it is hard for him to find a job. will he expect you to do it all?

I would not mail one shred of paper until he shows you that he is not using you.

take care.


[10-11-2008,17:39]
[**.155.160.37]
Sharon
(in reply to: need urgent help!)
Sorry to hear about your problems and can understand your confusion and anger. If I may suggest that what you are asking is not really an immigration issue, rather a relationship issue. While most people here would sympathize with you, I am not sure if many here are qualified to advice you (I certainly am not). You may also want to consider a site were people can give you relationship advice.

This conflict may not end with immigration sponsorship, but potentially could arise again in a different situation. So, you may want to get advice from that perspective rather then an immigration one.

Ray

[10-11-2008,17:40]
[**.154.33.220]
Ray Masa
(in reply to: need urgent help!)
@ Sharon

it was totally arranged marriage and i stayed with him about 3 weeks and knew him for a month before our actuall wedding.
I did tell him that i´ll pay 50% as the amount is huge if converted into pakistani currency....

i was thinking of sending the paper using my visa card and some of my own savings but what if he doesnt pay me later on. Money is not the issue here, him not taking responcibility is. I think i shouldnt send any paper till i get money from him.

@ Ray ....the reason me sharing this problem here in this board is that all of u are in long term relationship and people who are not wont understand what i am going through. i know it is not exactly related to immigration problem but it is part of the immigration process.

[10-11-2008,18:02]
[***.81.102.144]
HijabiGal
(in reply to: need urgent help!)
it´s more than OK by me for you to be asking these questions on an immigration forum. Nobody outside of this place would understand the process and by the time you explain it... the point is lost.

assume he will not pay you back. Now, ask the question whether that is stil something you want to do.

also ask the question - is being married to you the only way he would qualify to enter Canada legally in terms of education, work experience, language proficency. If so... all the good intentions around an arranged marriage cannot remove the possibility that you could be used purely to come to Canada. You would not be the first. The day he arrives, he could leave you and you would still be financially responsible for him for another 3 years.

Park your heart, set aside what people expect of you... and follow your instincts. You have concerns - trust yourself and wait for him to prove you wrong.


[10-11-2008,18:22]
[**.155.160.37]
Sharon
(in reply to: need urgent help!)
I dont mind you posting it here. My point was (and as you and Sharon both confirmed it), that this issue is bigger than who pays for the immigration fees. It sounds to me like a problem that would rear its head again in another situation.

Hence my suggestion that you seek relationship advice. I didnt (and still dont) want to come out and say it (but I will, and forgive me if I am out of line), but it does not sounds like the other party is really in a relationship of partnership but one where he maybe using you. And if thats the case, would that stop after the immigration?

I dont know the entire situation and you are probably the better judge of that, so I hesitantly butted here. But, I still think you need relationship advice rather than immigration advice, as the issue is much larger.

That, of course, doesnt mean I am asking you to not post here. Sure you may, but I would also suggest getting advice from other sources as well. Ones that can deal more with the actual issue (the immigration issue is just one of the symptoms, not the actual issue). You need to deal with the actual problem, not its symptoms.

I would have to disagree that no one outside of this forum would understand the situation. Because (and I sound like I am repeating myself here) the real issues isnt immigration. Its him taking responsibility in this relationship. And I think people on forums that deal with those issues can see that point.

But, overall Sharon, I am not disagreeing with what you said. I am essentially saying the same thing you are. I am just hesitant to give advice as I dont know the whole situation.

Ray

[10-11-2008,20:21]
[**.154.33.220]
Ray Masa
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