I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!

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Subject: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!
  I´m in a very confusing and devastating position in my life right now, and I need major advice from everyone. Okay, here´s my story, I sponsored my husband from India. He arrived here at Pearson International on February 2nd 2009. He lived with me for 2 months and then he left back for India in April 2009, he said he had to settle some land disputes. He came back in May 2009. He then lived with me for 2 months. He then left without telling me on July 4th, 2009. He called me from Vancouver in the beginning of August, telling me that he needed four months. He said he doesnt want to live with my parents and he wants to live separatley. I agreed, but he said he needed some time to get his head straight. He kept on calling me everyday, telling me he loves me and that everything´s going to be okay. He then called me two months ago from India. He appologized to me telling me that he made many mistakes. He even called my younger sister and my mother! Saying sorry to them too. He told me that he went back to India cause his sister has prospective marriage proposals. He promised me that he would be back in time for our anniversary, which was on December 3rd 2009. He then didnt answer his phone for 2 days, and then I called him on our anniversary, he picked up the phone and told me that he is never coming back. He said if I want everything to be back to normal, I would have to go to India. I said that it was okay, for him to send me a ticket, as I am here alone taking care of my disabled father. He said okay. He said "I cant talk right now, I love you, and I will call you tommorrow." He hasnt called me back since. I tried calling him but he wont answer his phone. I tried calling his sister and mother and they also arent answering my phone calls. Its been 4 days! What do I do? Why is he doing this? Its going to be 1 year since he got his PR card in Feb. Please someone ... i need support and advice.
(in reply to: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!)
I am sorry this is happening to you. I think we underestimate how difficult it is for a man to walk out of one culture and into another - particularly when women are treated very differently, and the Canadian culture does not resemble how things are back home.

I don´t know what his problems are but he sounds very confused and conflicted.

Was this an arranged marriage or had you known each other for a long time before he came to Canada?

Are you willing to live in India? I think you must also contemplate the chance that there is someone else in the picture. I know this is hard to accept but now is not the time to be hopeful - it is time to be realistic.

What are some of your core absolutes? Would you move to be with him? if no... that is an absolute. If he was involved with another woman... would you end the relationship? That is another absolute. Right now he has a lot of explaining to do - to YOUR satisfaction.

Take some time to decide what are the terms and conditions you are willing to continue with this man. Keep in mind, that should he return to Canada, you have a legal and financial responsibility to look after him until your sponsorship undertaking is complete. That is another 2 years, regardless of whether the relationship succeeds or not.

To be honest, if he is back in India and things are not going the way they should - listen to your gut... not your heart. As long as he is in India, your bank account is safe.

I hope resolves itself the way you want. be strong.

(in reply to: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!)
Simple. File a divorce! Sure it´s hard right now but you will heal with time!
(in reply to: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!)
I think I should, but dont you think it would be better for him to file for it. I think the reason he´s acting soo stubborn is because he wants me to file for divorce first. If he does it, he´ll have more questions that he has to answer. If I do it, he´ll be getting away easy. I´m only 24 yrs old born and raised in Canada. I´m not planning on sponsoring anyone ever again. But he´ll for sure have to sponsor his future wife from there. This whole situation has took a huge toll on my family. My father has been hospitalized twice. Its like someone has died in the family. Everyone´s really depressed. Why would he do this, especially around the Christmas holidays. How cruel can someone be.
(in reply to: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!)
sometimes getting all the answers is simply not worth it and will you even know if he is telling you the truth? Do you want to control the outcome of this or do you want him to. Obviously, he is feeling guilty - he likely is not even thinking about Christmas. I am sorry this has hurt your family. Nobody likes to see their children hurt or taken advantage of. Unfortunately, it happens more often than anyone wants to admit.

Be grateful you are not 5 years into this with 2 kids. You are young and you will get through it. You live in a country where you can hold your head high and not feel shame. No one will fault you.

He is currently in India. I believe you may have to file for divorce in the country where you were married (someone please correct me if I am wrong). Every month of the next 2 years that he is out of the country you are at less risk of getting used some more.

If he wants to sponsor someone, he will have to be living in Canada first. He is also responsible for retaining his status by living in Canada.

Hold your head up. The broken heart will heal - that I can promise you.

stay in India! (in reply to: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!)
Tell him to stay there, last thing we need here are more pieces of crap like him.
(in reply to: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!)
I´ll tell you something. Take him out of your heart. He´s no good for you. He sounds like a major jerk. I really hate indian men who treat their mothers as their wives. Its soo sick and twisted. If he wants to play all these games he needs to play them in India and give back his pr card. These people dont understand the beauty of our country, they just come here and cheat innocent people. I´m not saying that everyone from there is like this, but people like your soon to be ex give a bad rap to everyone. God will give him what he deserves. Stay strong hunny, there is someone out there whos going to love and cherrish you. Its going to take some time to heal the wound, but as Sharon said, it will heal.
(in reply to: I need major HELP. PLEASE!?!)
How cruel can someone be.

Tsk, tsk...People and life ARE cruel. And you´re at an age where you "should" realize this by now (unless you´ve lived quite a sheltered and privileged life...). Better to simply accept that people like this DO exist rather than question the whys and hows of it all--drains your life energy and pointless, completely pointless!

Whatever his motives, he seems messed up and d´you really want to be saddled with this for years? maybe for the rest of your life?

And you ARE young, you can find someone truly worthy of you.
Focus on your family here,count what blessings you do have and enjoy the season, despite this bit ´o ugliness.

Good luck, God bless!

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