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| Subject: CANADIANS BE CAREFUL MARRYING FOREIGNERS Part 2 |
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@fooled me once:
I was just wondering on what visa status was the person here, since you wrote that you haven´t filed for immigration even after one year. what I also dont understand is your legal marital status, since the ´ceremony´ was not legally binding.
I´d like to hear the other side of the story as well, though...
brian
[26-05-2010,20:10]
[**.172.118.152]
brian |
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(in reply to: CANADIANS BE CAREFUL MARRYING FOREIGNERS Part 2)
Dear fooled me once,
I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I was nearly manipulated into a marriage which seemed to be following the same pattern as yours (and I am sure many others).
We Canadians are naive when it comes to life and love in other countries (especially developing ones), and although that´s a testament to the high quality of life we have in Canada, it also results in us being easy victims.
I never write on message boards, but your story made my heart sink because I know how close I came to being in a very similar situation. I really wish you all the best. I think you should consider writing a book about your experience. You could bring more light to this issue by gathering together other horror stories such as your own.
It´s a shame that our own laws can be manipulated to harm us by these con-artists. What´s worse is that they usually prey on the most kind-hearted people as they are easier to manipulate.
To end on a more positive note, at least you didn´t have any children with this monster.
Just out of curiosity, what country is your ex from?
[31-05-2010,16:55]
[***.222.62.148]
Jon |
(in reply to: CANADIANS BE CAREFUL MARRYING FOREIGNERS Part 2)
So Canadians are naive and innocent eh? Did you read about the sex competition hosted by some year 11&12 students in Vancouver? The targets are younger female students - the younger the better (winner). Luckily Vancouver police managed to reveal it during registration time!
About the marriage, it´s not being naive, it´s pure stupidity.
So please open your eyes and get some world experience, not just Canadian experience.
[31-05-2010,20:32]
[***.136.143.156]
apron |
(in reply to: CANADIANS BE CAREFUL MARRYING FOREIGNERS Part 2)
apron,
Yes, I would say that MOST Canadians are naive when it comes to the way life works IN OTHER COUNTRIES--especially developing countries. Obviously Canada is a big place and there is no shortage of assholes (as your example shows), but I still think that most Canadians are easily taken advantage of when abroad because we tend to trust people very easily.
Sure, the marriage thing was both naive and stupid. I was 20 and had been dating the girl for a year and a half. I thought she was trustworthy and I thought wrong. It happens--not just in other countries.
However, I have lived in South America for 8 of the last 10 years, and I definitely see a trend of foreigners getting taken advantage of in relationships. And this seems to be because we are more trusting and therefore easier targets. What´s more, I think out of all the foreigners I see (I work in tourism), Canadians are the most trusting.
Anyway, you probably think that I´m just some idiot who knows nothing about the world, and maybe you´re right. But one thing I do know for sure is that it is that there are many people in other countries who would do just about anything to become a Canadian resident, and many Canadians have no idea the length these people will go to to get it.
So whether you think I´m an idiot or not, I still echo the statement made way back by fooled my once:
Canadians be careful marrying foreigners!
[08-06-2010,18:56]
[***.222.62.148]
Jon |
(in reply to: CANADIANS BE CAREFUL MARRYING FOREIGNERS Part 2)
jon, i certainly agree with you that people should be careful. however, what pisses me off is that many people now want help from the canadian government. first of all, everyone is responsible for him/herself. if you did not do your homework in advance and rush into a marriage, that´s your own fault! in addition, i´m surprisd to hear about cases of canadians marrying someone from a 3rd world country after a two week vacation and without knowing each other at all (including familt, friends, etc.). ok - this can work out, and infact in some cases it does. but i´m wondering why people do not get suspicious when a) there´s a huge age difference (and/or weight difference and/or no character fit at all!) and b) the relationship is one-sided in regards to language and culture (pre-dominately directed to western/canadian/american).
I also live in a mixed cultural relationship but we both have kept it very open where we will be settling down - either in her country (her clear preference) or in my country (providing better financial perspective) and I´m having a heard time to convince her because she gives a shit about money and about living in canada. vacation - yes, living - no.
so long
brian
[08-06-2010,21:56]
[**.172.118.152]
brian |
(in reply to: CANADIANS BE CAREFUL MARRYING FOREIGNERS Part 2)
Since you have been to other parts of the world Jon, no I don´t think you are an idiot - quite the opposite actually. The idiots are those people who only value Canadian experience - or people who pretend to know about the world but they have never been out of Canada. Come on, TV is a just propaganda. Don´t believe all things they say on TV.
I have to strongly agree with Brian - Canada : Vacation - definitely, living - HELL NO!
Cheers
[08-06-2010,23:35]
[***.136.144.80]
apron |
(in reply to: CANADIANS BE CAREFUL MARRYING FOREIGNERS Part 2)
I definitely agree that people are responible for their own decisions and actions... any fall out from poor decision making should not be shouldered by tax payers who have nothing to do with the situation.
It´s actually quite amazing the number of people who do get seriously involved with someone while on holiday, only to end up engaged after a few weeks. Most of the time it´s the typical cliche: old western man with a disproportionately attractive local girl. However, it´s also really common for "regular" young men and women foreigners to get married to "regular" locals. In many cases the marriage works--at least, works as well as any other marriage. But the basic points you mentioned should definitely be considered warning signs:
1) If they don´t introduce you to her family, be VERY suspicious. Remember, family is much more important to most non-western cultures, so if he or she plays it off, then you might well be in for trouble.
2) Be careful if they don´t work or study. If they are not at all financially independent then they are more likely to be seeking that security from you. Be extra careful if they don´t work, yet have expensive taste... who´s buying them this stuff? You might not be the only man or woman they have going.
3) Don´t try to be knight in shining armor. Many times, westerns fall for foreigners who live in desperate conditions snd ignore certain warning signs out of pity. If someone is in a desperate situation, they are usually desperate to get out of it... so if you are there, guess who´s going to be pulling them out. This is often what results in the marriage manipulation. Somehow the situation is spun so that marriage is the only option if you are to be together.
4) Keep in mind that the more differences you have--cultural, language, economic, religious, etc--the more you better be prepared to deal with situations you would not normally have in a uni-cultural relationship. For lots of people, this is what makes multi-cultural relationships interesting, but if you don´t have patience, you might be in for some stress.
5) Beware of girls who have sex with you right away, as it is not as common in many non-western cultures for this to happen, and can often (not always) be a sign that something is weird.
There are a ton of warning signs, but let´s face it: when you´re really into somebody you don´t always see clearly. More so when you´re away from home and everything and everyone you know. When you don´t understand the local norms--or worse yet, the language--you are blind to many things that would normally tell you the situation is sketchy. Keep in mind that there is no shortage of people who are aware of this and who will be looking to take advantage of you.
I don´t want to come across as someone against mixed-cultural relationships, because I know they can work and be great. Still, I can´t stress enough the importance of not getting too carried away too soon.
[09-06-2010,00:58]
[***.222.62.148]
Jon |
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